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My Mom passed away suddenly, last Thursday, October 30th. She was 68.
She lead a long and happy life, and was a very kind woman. At the
funeral, her often repeated eulogy was so simple: she always saw the
best in everyone and always had a kind thing to say.
Her favorite pastime, like many in her age group, were day trips to a
nearby casino to play the slot machines. It was there, in Dad's arms,
that she passed away suddenly. While it was not totally unexpected
(yet so very traumatic for Dad), I cannot think of a more perfect
setting for her passing.
Last Christmastime Mom & Dad celebrated their 50th Wedding
anniversary, and I am delighted to remember forever the joy of that
day. Her and Dad on the dais, and renewing their age-old vows in the
church of my childhood will be in my heart for my lifetime. (I used a
frequent flyer ticket to attend). I guess I would wish for everyone
that they grow old together with the person they love. It seems silly
but I somehow never noticed just how inseparable they were -- in
thinking back I simply never saw Dad without Mom or vice versa. But
Mom is suddenly gone, and Dad is the family's only concern. Each of
us take a turn checking how he is, helping him start a new life at
70+ years of age.
I did my best to call Mom almost every Saturday morning (while I put
away the breakfast dishes). I put the receiver in my ear and hit the
auto-dial button. She told me what was going on, which grandchildren
were doing what (I still can't keep some of them straight), what old
aches and pains were clearing up and which new ones were appearing.
Last Saturday morning, when we spoke, she told me with excitement
about the trip her and Dad were planning to "play the
slots". I can still hear, right now, the music in her voice.
Whenever I was idle during travel, too tense to sleep on the East
Cost, up too early on the West, stuck with an extra long layover and
with voice mails all handled, I took a few minutes and made one extra
call -- home. Mom always lit up to hear from me and, again, always
had stories to tell.
I accidentally started a hobby one week, something so simple most of
you probably overlook it. Since joining our company, I've collected
picture post cards of the cities I visit. One week, I bought a couple
extra and some 20 cent stamps. In a few minutes, I wrote a quick note
and dropped it in the mail. I wrote her note in a larger font, so she
could still read it despite her vision failing from diabetes. At
dinner last night, Dad told me that these simple notes were an
absolute joy for her these last two years. Upon each arrival she
would first read them aloud to him, then methodically call her
'senior circuit' and read them again to each of her friends. I am so
glad that these few simple acts, simple minutes stolen away from my
busy life on the road, brought honest joy to the woman that 'always
saw the best in everyone'.
While cleaning off her kitchen table, leafing through Mom's notes and
correspondence, we were all struck speechless by what we found. One
week before her passing away, out of the blue Mom received a note
from her niece (my cousin), a woman now grown and with a family of
grown children. God only know what would have possessed her to do it,
but she wrote my mom the kindest note, recalling happy shared
memories and saying a special thank-you for some special help my Mom
had provided to her in a time of crisis many many years ago
(actually, before I was even born). Those kind and sincere words gave
us all pause, and will no doubt provide my cousin with a lifetime of
happiness, knowing that she wrote the note she had been putting off
for months or years. You know that Mom was delighted to receive it,
and it turned out to be literally the last envelope she ever opened.
As for me, thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers. As the days
pass, I am still sad, yet somehow better. And Dad is still my only concern.
As for a memorial to me or my Mom, I ask you to do a simple thing:
If your Mom is still around, call her. Call her tonight from the
hotel, or from your next layover. If she lives nearby, drop in for a
visit. Enjoy the gift you have been given. If you are instead in the
position I now find myself, then take instead a moment and make a
call (or write a note) that you've put off. Make today the day you do
it. Drop a note to somebody you've been meaning to write. Call them
from the layover or the hotel or from the airport club room. Program
the button at home and hit it during the dishes, or the wash, or
while you wait for E-Mails to download. I am today so very glad for
every time I did that simple act. And that feeling is mine to keep.
God bless us everyone. Thanks to all for your kind thoughts and prayers.
...Dave
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