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Elvira Perkins woke with a start. She glanced over at the yellow glow
from the lighted clock face and sighed, 4am. It had been like this
for awhile now. She had tried all the tricks in the book, warm milk
just before bed, exercise during the day, long tiring classic novels
to read, and of course late night tv. Nothing seemed to work. She
knew it would be hopeless to lay there and try and fall back asleep
so she crawled out of the queen size bed and walked to the shower.
'Might as well clean the house and do the bills" she said to the
air. She laughed at herself knowing that there wasn't any bills that
had not been paid and the house was as clean as, well, as clean as
Elvira Perkins house.
It was easier when Eldon was still here. She could just roll over and
nudge him and his big strong arms would engulf her in a protective
layer of encompassing warmth. It was perfect, falling asleep to his
rhythmic breathing was always easy. The sting of the shower's cold
water against her skin brought Elvira back to reality. After drying
herself off she threw on Eldon's old grey and tattered robe and
shuffled into the kitchen to have a cup of tea.
As she set the kettle on the stove she could feel the tightness begin
in her throat. A chill shot through her body and the deep dark
heaviness began to encompass her inner soul. She could feel the
loneliness from deep inside. It was frightening. It was engulfing.
She broke down into tears and felt her way to the kitchen chair to
sit down. Oh Eldon. Oh dear God Eldon, I miss you so much. Her
tears wear flowing down her cheeks and onto the catalog on the table.
She tried to see what it was, blurry at first and then colors,
flowers. It was the seed catalog that she had ordered from two weeks ago.
He used to act like a kid in a Candy store when the seed catalog
came. Eldon would spend hours pouring over every entry in the book as
if he was planting the White House Rose Garden. He would call Elvira
over and excitedly explain when and where he would plant the Mums,
Daisies and the Dahlias. He would pull out his tattered pad of graph
paper and line up rows of lilies and irises. He would pull Elvira
into his lap and she would watch him as he described which colors and
types of begonias he would use this year to line the front walk. She
loved to watch the excitement in his eyes and the pride in his grin
when he talked about his flower gardens.
The tea pot whistled and Elvira lost the glow once more and felt the
familiar pain of loss. It had been the worst winter of her life.
After Eldon's funeral at First United in October, Elvira had not left
the house in over a month. Josh and Karen would come every Sunday
bring groceries and help out with things around the house. Josh was a
good son , and he was lucky to have found a kind and caring girl like
Karen, but they had their plates full with Karen's difficult
pregnancy and Josh trying to work two jobs and finish school. Elvira
hated that they were worried about her. But she just couldn't
find it in her heart to go back to everyday life. Nothing was the
same without Eldon. It was all too painful.
When Josh brought in the mail that last week in December he
seemed timid about showing it to her. In it was the seed catalog.
Elvira told him to throw it out, but, after the kids had packed up
and left she found the darn thing sitting in the middle of the
dinning room table. "Come on and have a look with me
Elvira" she could hear the musical tone in his voice, the
one he always saved just for when he was trying to win her over to
something he wanted. Looking at the colors and flowers on the cover
seemed to warm her a little. She began to feel like a part of Eldon
was still alive. At first she would just look at the pictures, then
slowly she began to read about the plants that Eldon had loved so much.
In the days and weeks that followed, when the pain and loneliness was
too much for her to be able to stand, she would go to the catalog and
pick out on of Eldon's favorite plants. By the time January had
rolled around she had picked out an entire garden.
Now as she sat sipping the warm tea and feeling exhausted once more
from crying till there were no more tears, she gathered the old robe
tight around her body. She could still smell the scent of him in the
worn fabric. She could feel his arms around her again and hear his
big gentle voice asking if she thought the packages would come today.
She could see the pride in his eyes and feel the excitement of the
coming spring. |
